So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
