Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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