operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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