she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
