tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
