Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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