i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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