You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
