Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
