The maid of honor just puked.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
