3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
