Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
