Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
