I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
