A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
