I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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