I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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