Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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