I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
