I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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