He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
