Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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