I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
