just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
