Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
