you would pick up someone in the library
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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