Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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