I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
