i just sent this text using only my big toe
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
