If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I take back everything I said about communal showers
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
