okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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