You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
