I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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