Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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