I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
