you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Let the clothes fall where they may.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
