Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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