i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
