If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Actions speak louder than pants.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
