It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
