I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
