The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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