Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
