So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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