'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
