Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
