It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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