i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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