help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
