I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
