We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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