This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
