so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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