On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i now understand why vodka
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
