What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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