I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
how drunk are you?
Several
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
