i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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