I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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