bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
