My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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